


In My Mind

by HyungwonLoveBot



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bonding, Delusions, Denial of Feelings, Fate & Destiny, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, It's not all sad, Jealousy, Kihyun is just lonely, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minhyuk is a sweetheart, Mutual Pining, Pining, Showki if you squint, Slow Burn, Social Issues, Strangers to Lovers, Swearing, if you want to call it that, only a little though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-08-28 10:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16721304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyungwonLoveBot/pseuds/HyungwonLoveBot
Summary: Kihyun was alone.Or at least, that's how other people would see it. In Kihyun's mind, he wasn't alone at all. He had a perfect boyfriend: someone to always keep him company, someone to love him unconditionally, someone who would let him use sappy petnames, someone, well, perfect. Or he would be... if he were real.It may seem sad to you, but Kihyun had an imaginary boyfriend, and it was wonderful. Everything was going great. For once, he was happy...Until he met an odd boy who looked exactly like his imaginary boyfriend. And it seemed this boy was determined to meddle with his life.





	1. Surely, This isn't Loneliness

* * *

_The tiny ship chugged along through the great blue ocean. Its captain stood alone at its aft. The wind playfully rustled his hair but his eyes were keenly focused on the old map in front of him. It's faded ink told him nothing. No matter how much he wished it would reveal all of the secrets he saught in his journey, it simply had no answers to give. But he held it delicately in his hands as if it was a treasure greater than the one it claimed to know. He couldn't stop thinking how much he needed it. Without the map, he would have no chance against the storming sea. Without the map, he was a goner._

* * *

 

 

Kihyun groaned and chucked his pencil across the room. This draft was barely any different. No matter how many times Kihyun advised the author to change the intro, he just wouldn't. He would fix his grammar but that was it. The whole story was just so pretentious, Kihyun couldn't stand it. He rubbed his eyes, trying to scrub the frustration out of his brain. It wasn't working.

"Let me guess," A soft voice cooed. "It's still as pretentious as ever?"

Kihyun smiled softly. Perfect timing as always. He spun around in his chair, turning away from his desk and all the problems it held. A boy sat across from him on their bed, a stupid smug smile plastered on his stupidly pretty face. His blonde hair stuck up in several different directions. He'd probably been tossing and turning, waiting for Kihyun to stop working and go to bed. But he didn't complain, he never complained. He just stared at Kihyun with those big, dark eyes filled with love. Kihyun felt his heart swell at the sight of him. He was beautiful. Everything about him was perfect.

"Yeah.." Kihyun laughed a little. "No matter what I do, the author just won't listen to me. You were right as always, Minmin."

Minmin pouted slightly. "Y'know, you're working yourself too hard for him. That ol' grouch doesn't deserve your help."

Kihyun chuckled. The author _was_ a bit of a grouch. He glanced over at the clock. 2:17 AM, yikes. He looked back at Minmin. He knew he shouldn't stay up so late. He didn't mind being tired but he hated to mess up Minmin's sleep schedule. So, Kihyun hopped out of his chair and scooted onto the bed. Minmin's smile returned, utterly radiant.

"Once again, you're right," Kihyun placed his hand on the bed where Minmin's hand should have been.

The sheets felt cold under his fingers. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine a warm hand underneath his. Kihyun reopened his eyes, gazing into the soft pair of eyes only inches from his own. He wanted to reach out and caress his face, but he knew that would only make the weight in his chest heavier. Instead, he rolled over and turned off the light. As Kihyun drifted off to sleep, the boy beside him ceased to exist. Because, of course, he wasn't real.

 

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kihyun read his email over again for the hundredth time. He was pretty certain there weren't any typos and it seemed pretty easy to understand. Reluctantly, he hit the send button. Surely this time the ol' grouch would listen to him. He glanced over at Minmin, who was still sound asleep. Eh, probably not. He was about to close his computer when a notification popped up. Did the grouch really respond that quickly? Kihyun clicked on the email without really reading the subject line. His heart stopped as soon as he read the first line.

 

_Hey Ki,_

_Long time no see, huh? I know we don't really talk all that much anymore, but I'm going to have a party for my birthday in a few days and I was hoping you'd come. It's been so long since I've since you and honestly I'm kinda worried about you. It isn't good to lock yourself away like that. I just... care about you, okay? Please come. I promise it won't be awkward and there won't be very many people there. I'm sure you'll meet some people you'll like. Please?_

_-Hyunwoo_

 

Kihyun stared down at the email like it was written in hieroglyphs. This wasn't good. No, this was awful! Kihyun stood up from his chair so violently it clattered to the floor. Minmin's head shot up. He frowned as he watched Kihyun pace back and forth across the room.

"What's wrong?" He asked groggily.

"H-Hyunwoo emailed me..." Kihyun pointed to the computer.

"Your friend from high school?" Minmin slid out of bed. "What did he want?"

"He wants me to come to a party." Kihyun laughed. "Can you imagine that? Me at a party?"

"I don't think it's so outrageous... maybe this is can be a good thing." Minmin smiled.

Kihyun froze, an idea forming in his head. Minmin was right. This was the perfect opportunity to cut off that part of Kihyun's life forever. All he had to do was go to the party, explain to Hyunwoo that he was totally fine being alone, and never ever go out in public again. It was a scary idea... but one that just might work. Kihyun's head flooded with scenarios as he sat down at his computer. He struggled to calm the storm raging in his head enough to compose a legible response.

After a painfully long process, he sent off his response, praying things would go the way he hoped. He had a few days to prepare himself mentally, so he was pretty sure he could handle it. But he needed reassurance. Kihyun turned around. Minmin was gone. Kihyun cursed himself for getting so worked up he forgot about Minmin. Within a few blinks, his boyfriend stood before him again, smiling proudly.

"See? Didn't I tell you?" He said happily. "It'll all work out. Soon you won't have to worry about stuff like that anymore. You can just stay home with me!"

Kihyun smiled back at him. "Yeah. You're always right. You're perfect."

"Oh, I know."

 


	2. Goodbye Leads to Hello

* * *

 

_The wind roared dangerously around the captain. Its once playful caresses turned into forceful shoves. It pushed and pulled him, making him totter perilously on the edge of his ship. He paid it, and the brewing storm, little mind. His eyes remained on the map in his hands. With it he would be safe, the rest of the world be damned. But the wind only became more enraged. With one swift scream, it ripped the old paper from his hands._

* * *

 

 

Kihyun stared into his closet vacantly. He groaned and threw his head back in frustration. This was already starting to look like a mistake. He didn’t have anything nice to wear. There’s no point in buying nice clothes if the only person who’s going to be seeing you would love in a potato sack.

“Don’t just stand there!” Speak of the devil. “C’mon, I’m sure we can find something good.”

Kihyun glanced over at his boyfriend who was inspecting the mess in the closet carefully. Kihyun smiled slowly. It would be alright, he could do this. He followed Minmin’s lead and started digging through the junk. They sifted through piles of old ratty t-shirts that Kihyun rarely bothered to wash. Their plight quickly began to look hopeless again. Then, in the mess of old stink, Kihyun’s hand felt a sliver of soft, new fabric. Eagerly, he pulled it out.

Oh.

He stared down at the soft, baby blue, sweater in his hands. He’d had it since his twenty-first birthday and it still looked brand new. He supposed that was to be expected of his mother’s shopping skills. She always knew where to find high-quality clothes for cheap. It still kinda smelled like her. Kihyun blinked back tears. He threw the sweater across the room violently. He hated thinking about his parents. He wanted to throw the stupid sweater away… but he couldn’t. It… still smelled like her.

Minmin looked over where he’d thrown the sweater. “What’s wrong with that one?”

“It’s too hot for a sweater…” Kihyun mumbled.

“But you don’t have anything else nice to wear, right?” Minmin squatted down next to it. “And it isn’t that hot. Plus, you can wear shorts. I think it’ll be cute!”

Kihyun stared at him. A tiny part of him wanted to wear it. He’d never actually worn it before. And, well, it could be kind of symbolic, right? When he got home, he’d throw away that sweater and whatever connections to the outside world he still had. Kihyun sat on the floor next to the sweater and picked it up slowly. He bunched the fabric up in his fists. He was terrified of going out again. All people out there did was hurt him. And he would end up hurting them right back no matter what he did. But after tonight he could finally run away from all that forever. All he needed was to be alone… with Minmin. Kihyun leaned forward, curling into a ball, and tried to image arms wrapping around him. The only thing he would ever miss was someone’s warmth.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kihyun shifted his weight back and forth as he stared up at the bland apartment door. It’d been so long since he’d seen those rusted numbers. The whole air of the entire building was familiar yet utterly foreign at the same time. It made Kihyun sick to his stomach with anxiety. He closed his eyes and opened the palm of his hand. There was someone else’s hand there. There was someone else’s hand there. There was someone else’s hand there. There was someone else’s hand there. There was someone else’s hand there. There was someone else’s hand there. There was someone else’s hand there. There was someone else’s hand there. There _was_. He opened his eyes again. Minmin smiled at him and he finally had the courage to ring the doorbell.

The door flew open almost instantly, startling Kihyun. The sounds of music and loud chatter spilled into the hallway. A familiar face smiled affectionately down at him from the other side of the doorway. Suddenly, Kihyun remembered how big Hyunwoo was, not only in height but also in muscle mass. Kihyun shrunk back unconsciously. Minmin placed his hand on Kihyun’s back.

“Don’t slouch,” he whispered.

Kihyun straightened up, trying and failing to make eye contact.

“Hey Ki, it’s so good to see you,” Hyunwoo said warmly.

“Hello Hyunwoo,” Kihyun mumbled.

Kihyun said his actual name intentionally. He wanted to communicate that they weren’t on a nickname basis anymore. Hyunwoo didn’t seem to notice. He raised his arms somewhat like he was going for a hug. Kihyun took a small step back instinctively. This time, Hyunwoo noticed. He frowned ever so slightly.

“Ah, well…” Hyunwoo stepped back, giving Kihyun space to enter. “Come on in.”

Kihyun nodded weakly and stepped inside. His mind drifted from Minmin to the more immediate problems arising. The tiny apartment was absolutely packed. The sound of music and chatter became overwhelming. Smells of food, burning candles, and cheap cologne filled the air. People mingled around in Hyunwoo’s living room, constantly bumping to into each other because of the lack of space. Hyunwoo noticed Kihyun’s perturbed expression.

“I didn’t expect so many people to bring plus ones…” Hyunwoo said sheepishly.

“I-it’s alright,” Kihyun said.

But it wasn’t alright. It was anything but alright. This was the worst possible position Kihyun could’ve found himself in. He hated parties like this more than ordering food at a restaurant, which was really saying something. Kihyun wanted to leave. He wanted to run away. Minmin returned to his side.

“Well, I gotta go finish putting out all the food. Everyone here is really nice, I promise. You should talk to them.” Hyunwoo patted Kihyun on the back.

Kihyun nodded slowly, avoiding eye contact. Hyunwoo tried to give him a reassuring smile before rushing off to his small kitchen. Kihyun scanned the room for a corner to hide in. He quickly skirted into an empty place by the hallway. No one even seemed to notice he was there, not that he was complaining. He rubbed his hands together, completely unsure what to do with himself.

“I should probably go talk to someone, right?” Kihyun whispered to his boyfriend.

Minmin shrugged. “Eh, you don’t have to. You aren’t alone.”

Kihyun smiled and nodded. Right, he was alright. He could just wait here with Minmin until Hyunwoo came back. Somehow, he would break the news and then he could leave. Kihyun started rehearsing the lines in his head. Someone clambered out of the bathroom at the end of the hall and scooted around Kihyun, breaking his concentration. He returned to his group and they cheered jokingly.

“Say, did you bring that party game we always play?” One of the girls asked.

“Quiplash? Of course!” The guy said cheerfully. “It wouldn’t be a birthday party without it, would it?”

Kihyun’s heart stopped. He was an idiot. He was a complete and total idiot! What was he thinking? It was Hyunwoo’s birthday. He couldn’t just ruin it by breaking their longstanding friendship. A million horribly unpleasant emotions started building up in Kihyun’s stomach. Slowly they started rising to his chest, pulling the air out of his lungs.

Suddenly he couldn’t breathe. Everything was too overwhelming. He needed to leave. He was an idiot for even coming. Frantically, he started stumbling over to the door. He’d only been there for a few minutes and he was already leaving. Self-hatred and embarrassment blurred his vision more than the tears building in his eyes. But he could clearly see Minmin standing at the door, beckoning him to safety. He was almost there. Almost there. Almost the-

“Oops! Sorry, dude!” Someone slammed into his side, almost knocking him off his feet.

The force made the tears Kihyun had been holding back spill out. Quickly, he whipped them away. His face felt like it was on fire.

“I-I’m... it’s o-okay.” Kihyun finally managed to look up at the person and-

 

…wait

 

That didn’t make any sense…

 

The beautiful man smiled, nodded, and disappeared into the crowd in an instant. Kihyun was completely frozen, left staring into the distance like he’d seen a ghost. All the awful things bubbling in his mind had vanished the instant he saw that guy. It was all replaced with pure confusion. That guy looked _exactly_ like Minmin. Kihyun looked back at the door. His boyfriend was gone. For some reason, Kihyun couldn’t collect his thoughts enough to make him come back.

“A-are you leaving already?” Hyunwoo’s voice made Kihyun jump.

“I-I, uh, well,” Kihyun’s brain was broken.

“Please, don’t…” Hyunwoo anxiously stepped towards him.

All Kihyun could do was stare at up at him with his mouth half open. This was bad. This was very bad. Hyunwoo reached out, stopping right before he could touch Kihyun. Just like that, Kihyun snapped back to reality. He was acting like an insane person.

“Are you… okay?” Hyunwoo asked.

“Yeah… sorry,” Kihyun turned away from the door and Hyunwoo. “I… wasn’t leaving. I just thought I saw someone I know...”

“Someone you know?” Hyunwoo sounded surprised at the idea of Kihyun knowing anyone but him. “Who? Where?”

Kihyun looked out at the crowd, scanning the mess of faces. Maybe he was just hallucinating. Surely, was outrageous, right? Kihyun hadn’t based Minmin on any real person. It was just a face that Kihyun’s brain had conjured up when he tried to imagine the most beautiful person possible. A sudden squeal of laughter drew Kihyun eyes to a corner of the room. And there he stood, plain as day, the guy who looked exactly like Kihyun’s boyfriend. He even had the same dyed blonde hair. It was scary. The only difference was the bright yellow patterned shirt he was wearing. Minmin was like Kihyun, a goth when it came to clothing choices. He stood around with three other people. A young looking guy with a soft face and bright orange hair had his arm wrapped around the guy’s shoulders, almost possessively. They were talking with a guy who rivaled Hyunwoo in terms of height but certainly not in terms of muscle. The final guy had his arms similarly wrapped possessively around the tall guy; he could’ve rivaled Hyunwoo in terms of muscle but defiantly not in the height department. Hyunwoo followed Kihyun's intense stare to the little group.

“Is it one of them?” He asked.

“Him…” Kihyun pointed briefly. “What’s his name?”

“Hmm,” Hyunwoo folded his arms. “You mean one of Hoseok’s friends? I don’t know if I know all of their names. I think the guy with orange hair is… Joohyun or something.”

“No,” Kihyun pointed again. “The other guy.”

“Oooh,” Hyunwoo laughed. “Yeah, I know him. It’s kinda hard not to learn his name eventually. That’s Minhyuk.”

“M-Minhyuk?” Kihyun swallowed.

“Yeah, Lee Minhyuk.” Hyunwoo smiled. “You wanna go meet him?”


	3. The World Begins to Crumble

* * *

  _The captain stumbled across the ship, staring out into the murky and tempestuous waters. But his map had long since vanished into the great depths of the furious ocean. His lifeline was gone. The tiny craft rocked up and down, struggling to stay above the waves. The wind whisked past the captain’s ears, almost laughing at his distress. The captain cried out desperately. But the sound was drowned out in the raging storm._

* * *

 

 

Why was it so hard for Kihyun to express what he really wanted? Why was he letting Hyunwoo drag him deeper into this living nightmare? The world had no answers for Kihyun as he weakly followed Hyunwoo across the crowded room. Kihyun squeezed his eyes shut as people jostled up against him. He reopened them to look around for Minmin. He couldn’t see him. Just like that, in a tiny room densely packed with people, Kihyun felt completely alone.

“Oh, hey!” A voice drew Kihyun’s attention back. “It’s the birthday boy!”

The Minmin look alike, mister Lee Minhyuk, grinned over at them as they approached. Kihyun felt his stomach drop. He slowed to a stop a few feet away from the group. It was official, his life was falling apart at the seams.

Hyunwoo gestured for Kihyun to come closer. “Hey guys. I just wanted to introduce you to my longtime friend, Kihyun. He said he knows you from somewhere, Minhyuk.”

“Really?” Minhyuk squinted and took a few steps towards Kihyun. “I don’t recognize you from anywhere.” He gasped dramatically. “Are you a _stalker_?”

“Wha- no,” Kihyun stuttered, cursing himself for being so easily flustered. “I-I just- I was mistaken…”

Minhyuk laughed at his reaction. Kihyun couldn't help but notice his smile was adorable. Kihyun willed himself not to swoon or let his face get any redder. Why was he being like that? That wasn’t his boyfriend. They just… looked terrifyingly similar. Kihyun rubbed his hands together and glanced over at his old friend. Hyunwoo didn’t look very happy that Minhyuk was teasing him. Minhyuk noticed and waved his hand dismissively.

“Oh, I was just messing with you!” He turned to his friends. “Anywho, this is Hoseok.”

He pointed to the smaller, extremely buff, guy. Who briefly released one of his hands from around (assumedly) his boyfriend to wave. Despite his intimidating appearance, his whole face lit up as he gave Kihyun a warm smile. In fact, everything from his fluffy black hair to the sweater he was wearing made him seem… soft. Like a weirdly muscular bunny.

“And this is Hyungwon.”

The tall guy Hoseok had his arms wrapped around nodded politely. Kihyun finally raised his eyes enough to get a good look at the guy. He looked like a celebrity. He had soft pink hair that perfectly framed his face effortlessly. Not to mention he had such large eyes and lips… Kihyun quickly pulled his eyes away. He really wished he could act a little less like a panicked gay all the time.

“This right here is my boyfriend, Jooheon!”

Kihyun’s heart stopped at the word boyfriend. Minhyuk ruffled the Jooheon’s orange hair affectionately as the young guy gave a small wave. Part of Kihyun wanted to feel jealousy. But the rest of him was quick to shoot those feelings down. Not only was Minhyuk _not_ his boyfriend, but Jooheon also looked like the human personification of a marshmallow. He was hard to get mad at.

“And apparently you already know me,” Minhyuk flashed Kihyun another wide smile.

“Nice to meet you all…” Kihyun tried to force a polite smile.

They all smiled and nodded in return. The conversation lapsed into silence. Still, the room around them was as loud as ever. Kihyun wished more than anything that he was at home right now. He wished he’d never left his apartment. He should’ve just emailed Hyunwoo. But after all the time they’d spent together that felt… heartless. But still, it was less heartless than telling him at his fucking birthday party. This was the worst possible outcome. Kihyun tried to steady his breathing and not look at Minhyuk. He felt like he was going insane.

“Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, Kihyun.” Hoseok broke the silence. “Hyunwoo must’ve told me a million stories about you.”

“O-oh?” Kihyun had no idea how to respond to that.

The silence must’ve only lasted a few seconds but that was all it took for Kihyun to completely zone out. He tended to get wrapped up in his head pretty quickly. Plus, he didn’t want to think about how much Hyunwoo cared about him.

Hyunwoo laughed nervously which wasn’t like him. “Oh, well you know the kinds of shenanigans you get up to in high school. We were always together back then so I have a lot of stories…”

Kihyun stared at the floor, picking at his nails. He could feel all of them looking at him. He wanted to tell them to stop. He wanted to leave. He wanted to push and shove his way out of this overcrowded room. He wanted to have the courage to do… anything.

“Were you overseas or something, Kihyun?” Jooheon asked. “It seems like you two haven’t seen each other for a while.”

Kihyun raised his head, mouth slightly open. He couldn’t think of an answer… no, he didn’t want to answer.

 “Oh, no. Kihyun is just… busy a lot.” Hyunwoo glanced over at Kihyun briefly. “He’s quite the workaholic.”

“What work do you do?” Hoseok asked.

This time, Kihyun forced himself to answer. “I-I’m an editor,”

“Really? Wow,” Hoseok looked genuinely impressed. “What kind of books do you edit?”

“Oh, um, all sorts.” Kihyun shrugged.

“Do you work in like a big office building or something?” Jooheon kinda sounded like a kid asking questions on career day.

“No, I just... work from home.” Kihyun shifted back and forth, uncomfortable with all the questions.

“Oh, really?” Minhyuk tilted his head, pursing his lips. “So, you stay inside all day?”

“Yeah, so?” Kihyun snapped suddenly.

Silence followed. It was the first time his tone had been anything but polite the whole conversation. Everyone but Minhyuk seemed taken aback. Kihyun cleared his throat and looked away from them again. He cursed at himself again and again in his head.

“Well, that’s no good,” Minhyuk said, seemingly unaware of the tension in the air.

“I think it sounds nice…” Hyungwon spoke for the first time since Kihyun had come over.

“You would, you big sloth,” Jooheon mumbled.

Kihyun forced a small smile as they all laughed. The tension lifted slightly. Hyungwon shrugged. He looked like he was more in the mood to nap than defend himself. Kihyun smiled a little more. He could relate to that.

“Y’know, Hyunwoo,” Minhyuk’s voice made Kihyun’s smile drop. “You and Kihyun should come eat with us on Sunday. We’re going to check out this new restaurant that just opened.”

Hyunwoo lit up. “Oh, yeah. That sounds great!”

Kihyun resisted the urge to strangle his friend. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He told himself he was never going out again after the party. He couldn’t hold back the unhappy expression that spread across his face. Hyunwoo noticed.

“Ah, I mean, you don’t have to Kihyun,” Hyunwoo said.

“Nope.” Minhyuk crossed his arms. “He has to. I insist.”

No

“I-I have work,” Kihyun said apologetically.

“On a Sunday?” Minhyuk shook his head. “I think not.”

No No

“Babe… don’t make him come if he doesn’t want to.” Jooheon tugged on Minhyuk’s sleeve.

Minhyuk huffed. “It’s going to bother me if he doesn’t. You’ll come won’t you, Kihyun?”

Kihyun shook his head ever so slightly, mouth opening and closing soundlessly. This was a nightmare. This was hell. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to see Minmin again.

“I don’t want to force you to but…” Hyunwoo gave a small reassuring smile. “I really would like it if you’d come.”

Kihyun didn’t even really register what Hyunwoo said. There was one thing that he knew for certain: if he didn’t leave right now, he’d end up hurt again. He didn't care if it was sudden, he needed to leave. Kihyun shakily pulled out his phone. Even if it was a shitty one, he just needed an excuse.

“Oh, I-I totally forgot I have to submit another chapter to the author today. I n-need to go.” Kihyun couldn’t look up. “S-sorry, Hyunwoo. I hope you have a good birthday.”

Not waiting for a response, Kihyun took off into the crowd. He could hear Hyunwoo call after him. Kihyun felt like he was moments away from collapsing. He couldn’t stop. But one sound broke over the rest of the chatter. One sound made Kihyun stop for the briefest moment to look back.

“See you on Sunday, Kihyun!” Minhyuk called after him, smiling as brightly as ever.

Kihyun ran out the door. As he stumbled down the hallway, he decided he hated Lee Minhyuk. More than parties or ordering food at a restaurant, he hated him. He was everything that Kihyun would never have. Kihyun _hated_ him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As the door to his apartment swung closed, Kihyun fell to the floor. He curled up in a ball, finally letting all the emotions he’d been desperately holding back fall out. Tears started to roll down his cheeks. For a long time, he stayed there, shaking. He didn’t bother holding back the whimpers or gasps for air. There was no one around to see him being this pathetic. No one. He closed his eyes.

“M-minmin…” He whispered between sobs. “Help me…”

“Don’t cry,” The warm voice made Kihyun open his eyes again and sit up. “I’ll always help you.”

“W-why did you leave me?” Kihyun stared up at the opaque figure of his boyfriend. “I needed you! Everything went to shit after you left! It was awful I-”

Kihyun leaned forward, clutching his head. Memories of all the stupid things he’d said filled his mind. He screamed in agony. He hated that. He hated how weird he was. He was terrible at interacting with people. He never should have gone.

“I didn’t want to leave you…” Minmin said sadly. “I had no choice.”

Kihyun remained bent forward. He struggled to draw in any air. He pressed a hand up against his chest. His heart was beating so fast. He felt like he was dying.

“What do I do?!” Kihyun wailed. “What am I supposed to do? Make it stop!”

“Stay with me,” Minmin said. “Don’t leave. **Ever again**.”


End file.
